Sorry for not posting yesterday my lovely followers! I ended up going out for sushi with my best friend and then we had a sleepover. I partially really wanted to get together with her because it's been so stressful at home, but it was more fun than I could have expected to get together and have some laughs:) God, I can be so antisocial sometimes. HATE IT!! I got little sleep last night and went for a hike with my dad this afternoon so I'm pretty wiped.
Breakfast:
Apple 50
Yogurt 80
Snack:
Banana 90
Lunch:
Quinoa 100
Turkey 100
Greek salad 50
Apple 60
Snack:
Chicken 100
Banana 90
Hike snack:
Orange 90
Dinner:
Toast 70
Fish cake 160
Salad 60
Apple 70
Quinoa 150
Snack:
Banana 90
Cottage Cheese 90
Total: 1,500
Oh and no big deal, but I'm officially 120!! Back down to a manageable weight yay! My tummy has done a bit of shrinking and my hot jeans are fitting much better now. I remember being at the point a year ago where I would be a balloon eating 1,500 calories, but now I feel absolutely starving with only 1,500. SO glad I'm past that phase! Just goes to show how much having an eating disorder will fuck with your body over time. But theres still hope to be healthy wee!! I'm going to be responsible and go to sleep before I eat something I'll regret.
Nightynight!
Ella xxx
Friday, January 31, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Down to 50% Braincell capacity captain! If only the fat cell count would go down too...
So tired. Thoughts are getting pretty drunklike and confused. So my apologies in advanced I'll try to say something comprehendible!
So yesterday was... interesting. We had a family meeting with this councillor who's been coming around and talking to our family members (except my little brother because he refuses to. wwtf) Its weird talking about having a family councillor. It sounds like one of those things normal families do. Our is not. Anyways, the meeting was productive but stressful. I'll go into more detail when my brain is less fried! Today was even worse because my older brother had a yelling match with my parents and an hour later my parents broke the news to little bro that his computer is now a thing of the past. So basically a nuclear holocaust. Very stressful and triggering for me, but by some magical chance I've held on by a thread! I definitely attribute it to getting my but on here and reading about how you all are doing and making some replies :) So THANKYOU!! I'll let you know my weight tomorrow morning! I have a good feeling its down to 120 but I probably just jinxed it, fuck.
Breakfast:
Cantaloupe 80
Yogurt 80
Lunch:
Pea soup 170
Toast 70
Tzatziki 100
veg 20
Snack:
Banana 90
Apple 80
Hummus 100
veg 20
Dinner:
Lambchops :s 200
Roasted Potatoes 120
Salad 50
Snack:
Banana 90
Cottage cheese 90
Total: 1,360
So yay! and I was was pretty busy too so I burned a bunch :) Starving now so I need to sleep
loveandhugsandtherapeuticbackrubswithcandlesandcoconutoilimgoingtogotosleepnownight
Ella
So yesterday was... interesting. We had a family meeting with this councillor who's been coming around and talking to our family members (except my little brother because he refuses to. wwtf) Its weird talking about having a family councillor. It sounds like one of those things normal families do. Our is not. Anyways, the meeting was productive but stressful. I'll go into more detail when my brain is less fried! Today was even worse because my older brother had a yelling match with my parents and an hour later my parents broke the news to little bro that his computer is now a thing of the past. So basically a nuclear holocaust. Very stressful and triggering for me, but by some magical chance I've held on by a thread! I definitely attribute it to getting my but on here and reading about how you all are doing and making some replies :) So THANKYOU!! I'll let you know my weight tomorrow morning! I have a good feeling its down to 120 but I probably just jinxed it, fuck.
Breakfast:
Cantaloupe 80
Yogurt 80
Lunch:
Pea soup 170
Toast 70
Tzatziki 100
veg 20
Snack:
Banana 90
Apple 80
Hummus 100
veg 20
Dinner:
Lambchops :s 200
Roasted Potatoes 120
Salad 50
Snack:
Banana 90
Cottage cheese 90
Total: 1,360
So yay! and I was was pretty busy too so I burned a bunch :) Starving now so I need to sleep
loveandhugsandtherapeuticbackrubswithcandlesandcoconutoilimgoingtogotosleepnownight
Ella
What a great da-- neeevermind...
This is exciting I'm 122 :)) It feels like forever but It's only been a week or so that I've been making good food choices and three pounds is a whole lot in a week!
Breakfast:
Banana 90
Yogurt 80
Snack:
Apple 70
Lunch:
1/2c quinoa 100
chicken thigh 120
20g feta cheese 50
greek salad 10
Snack:
Fruit and nut bar 190
Dinner:
Soup 250?
Salad 20
Snack:
Apple 90 (it was huge)
Cottage cheese 90
Total: 1,160
Wow thats pretty low for me! I may actually have a little something else because I don't want to get to the point where I'm only eating 500 calories a day and not losing weight, which has happened before and suuuucks!
Well I wrote that stuff before I plummeted tonight. Pure proof that when I don't eat enough during the day I break down at night and binge :( As punishment I'm going to tell you all what I had...
chicken thigh and wing with skin
turkey soup
banana
cheese
asian pear
can of pea soup
8 granola bars
The sad thing is that I was so close to not stopping at that point. My exact thoughts were: "Okay, did this make my mood any better? no. Will this make me happy in the long run? nope. Will this make tomorrow easier. Hell no. So go sit your ass down at your desk and confess to your blog followers.
So here I am begging for forgiveness and I'm going to go get the sleep I need. Goal for tomorrow: Slightly bigger breakfast and dinner.
Breakfast:
Banana 90
Yogurt 80
Snack:
Apple 70
Lunch:
1/2c quinoa 100
chicken thigh 120
20g feta cheese 50
greek salad 10
Snack:
Fruit and nut bar 190
Dinner:
Soup 250?
Salad 20
Snack:
Apple 90 (it was huge)
Cottage cheese 90
Total: 1,160
Wow thats pretty low for me! I may actually have a little something else because I don't want to get to the point where I'm only eating 500 calories a day and not losing weight, which has happened before and suuuucks!
Well I wrote that stuff before I plummeted tonight. Pure proof that when I don't eat enough during the day I break down at night and binge :( As punishment I'm going to tell you all what I had...
chicken thigh and wing with skin
turkey soup
banana
cheese
asian pear
can of pea soup
8 granola bars
The sad thing is that I was so close to not stopping at that point. My exact thoughts were: "Okay, did this make my mood any better? no. Will this make me happy in the long run? nope. Will this make tomorrow easier. Hell no. So go sit your ass down at your desk and confess to your blog followers.
So here I am begging for forgiveness and I'm going to go get the sleep I need. Goal for tomorrow: Slightly bigger breakfast and dinner.
Monday, January 27, 2014
When I'm filthy rich Monday will be a permanent weekend day
I'll need to think of a new name for monday too. Something that doesn't have the negative connotation. Otium in Latin means rest, ease and tranquility so Otiumday? The latin makes it seem way more legit. You might be wondering 'Why is Ella going off on a tangent about mondays??' Well my beloved new followers, I'll have you know that I had such a rough start to the day that it was even a bit comical. It started off at 1:30am when I woke up with low blood sugar (type 1 diabetic weeoo) so I had to eat an orange (fuck). I go back to sleep and wake up at 7, TWO HOURS before my alarm for christ's sake. As I was getting ready I dropped my jewelry box on my bathroom floor and picked everything up, but apparently I missed an earring because about 15 minutes later I managed to impale my foot on one. And of course I couldn't find the polysporin.
Besides that. I HAVE 4 FOLLOWERS!!! Love to each and every single on of you :,) This'll be a bit of a long post because I'm putting my stirfry recipe in too. I think I had a respectable calorie total today so lets take a look...
Breakfast:
Yogurt 80
Banana 90
Snack:
Apple 60
Lunch:
1/2c Quinoa 100
Chicken thigh 120
veg 25
Hummus 100
Snack:
Coffee w/ cream :O 100
Casserole 150
Dinner:
Stirfry 100
Chicken thigh 120
1/2c quinoa 100
Snack:
Apple 80
yogurt 80
Total: 1,305 weeee!!!
What a glorious number! I can't say how important having 3 meals and a couple snacks is in preventing binges and a slow metabolism. My veggie stirfry is super helpful because at night I tend to binge, but its a decent volume of food so I'm much safer after having it for dinner :) As promised, here is my wonderful recipeeee! I've never measured exactly what I put in to it. But I'll give you a good idea of the magic that goes down in that plate.
water
1/2 small onion
1tbsp minced ginger
2 cloves sliced garlic
1 stick celery
1 carrot
1c broccoli
1/2c cauliflower
1 small zucchini
1/4 red pepper
4 white mushrooms
4 bokchoi
1/2c cooked quinoa and 80g cooked chicken optional if it's for a meal
Soy sauce, 1/2 tsp sesame oil, pepper optional and yummy!
So start by heating up your pan/wok to medium high and add about 1/2c water. Throw in onion, ginger and garlic until they go a little bit soft and clear. Stir often and add more water before everything starts sticking to the bottom of the pan. Carrots and celery are next. Let those cook for a couple minutes and then broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini. You want everything to be slightly soft before you add in the next round but it loses its texture if it cooks too long. Last in goes the pepper, mushroom and bokchoi! I like having chicken and quinoa in mine but its just because I like to get my food groups in there :) And soy sauce with sesame oil is very tasty and low cal! You only need a teensy bit of the oil so no big deal.
Enjoy!!
Body, mind and soul
Ella <3
Besides that. I HAVE 4 FOLLOWERS!!! Love to each and every single on of you :,) This'll be a bit of a long post because I'm putting my stirfry recipe in too. I think I had a respectable calorie total today so lets take a look...
Breakfast:
Yogurt 80
Banana 90
Snack:
Apple 60
Lunch:
1/2c Quinoa 100
Chicken thigh 120
veg 25
Hummus 100
Snack:
Coffee w/ cream :O 100
Casserole 150
Dinner:
Stirfry 100
Chicken thigh 120
1/2c quinoa 100
Snack:
Apple 80
yogurt 80
Total: 1,305 weeee!!!
What a glorious number! I can't say how important having 3 meals and a couple snacks is in preventing binges and a slow metabolism. My veggie stirfry is super helpful because at night I tend to binge, but its a decent volume of food so I'm much safer after having it for dinner :) As promised, here is my wonderful recipeeee! I've never measured exactly what I put in to it. But I'll give you a good idea of the magic that goes down in that plate.
water
1/2 small onion
1tbsp minced ginger
2 cloves sliced garlic
1 stick celery
1 carrot
1c broccoli
1/2c cauliflower
1 small zucchini
1/4 red pepper
4 white mushrooms
4 bokchoi
1/2c cooked quinoa and 80g cooked chicken optional if it's for a meal
Soy sauce, 1/2 tsp sesame oil, pepper optional and yummy!
So start by heating up your pan/wok to medium high and add about 1/2c water. Throw in onion, ginger and garlic until they go a little bit soft and clear. Stir often and add more water before everything starts sticking to the bottom of the pan. Carrots and celery are next. Let those cook for a couple minutes and then broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini. You want everything to be slightly soft before you add in the next round but it loses its texture if it cooks too long. Last in goes the pepper, mushroom and bokchoi! I like having chicken and quinoa in mine but its just because I like to get my food groups in there :) And soy sauce with sesame oil is very tasty and low cal! You only need a teensy bit of the oil so no big deal.
Enjoy!!
Body, mind and soul
Ella <3
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Hard but Good Day
Yay I have a follower, Charlie! And 20 page views so I'm officially not talking to myself :p Well I made it to dinner without eating, hurrah! I still feel like I'm starving (possibly from hiking?) yet my total is 1,650 :s. This is ridiculous. Just a side note, my ass of a calculator added on an extra 100 calories to my total earlier so I just took that off now.
Dinner:
Steamed Veg 100
Quinoa bread x2 140
60g Ham 100
Mayonnaise 40
Apple 70
Snack:
Banana 90
Yogurt 80
Total plus earlier today 620+1,030= 1,650
I go to an eating disorders music therapy group tomorrow, it's actually quite fun we play and listen to music. I meant to post this yesterday, but here is a yummy strifry I made just with veggies, ginger and soy sauce so its super low cal :)
Until tomorrow!
Ella x
Dinner:
Steamed Veg 100
Quinoa bread x2 140
60g Ham 100
Mayonnaise 40
Apple 70
Snack:
Banana 90
Yogurt 80
Total plus earlier today 620+1,030= 1,650
I go to an eating disorders music therapy group tomorrow, it's actually quite fun we play and listen to music. I meant to post this yesterday, but here is a yummy strifry I made just with veggies, ginger and soy sauce so its super low cal :)
Until tomorrow!
Ella x
Why exercise annoys me
I need to do some math. Bear with me.
Breakfast:
Berries 100
Yogurt 80
Milk 120
Snack:
Banana 90
Lunch:
Cottage Cheese 90
Banana 90
Toast w/ butter 110
Veggies 30
Hummus 100
Snack:
Piece of casserole 150??
Apple 70
Total so far: 1,130
So we went for another intense hike today and I had to eat more because I was so hungry afterwards. But how many calories do you burn on a 1.5 hour hike?? Not sure if I'm actually hungry or if my brain is lying to me. I broke down and had the casserole as an extra, but I'm still hungry and if I have any thing else extra I'll be way over my intake goal eeeek. I'm going to wait 15 minutes and see what happens. I'll let you know how it goes :s
Breakfast:
Berries 100
Yogurt 80
Milk 120
Snack:
Banana 90
Lunch:
Cottage Cheese 90
Banana 90
Toast w/ butter 110
Veggies 30
Hummus 100
Snack:
Piece of casserole 150??
Apple 70
Total so far: 1,130
So we went for another intense hike today and I had to eat more because I was so hungry afterwards. But how many calories do you burn on a 1.5 hour hike?? Not sure if I'm actually hungry or if my brain is lying to me. I broke down and had the casserole as an extra, but I'm still hungry and if I have any thing else extra I'll be way over my intake goal eeeek. I'm going to wait 15 minutes and see what happens. I'll let you know how it goes :s
Saturday, January 25, 2014
My claim to fame
Well it looks like two pounds in two days! It's probably just because there's less food floating around in me, but hey, a loss is a loss :) I missed this hunger I really did. When I was suffering from malnutrition combined with refeeding syndrome I felt horrible and starving in a not nice way. Feeling much better these days :) I even went for a 2 hour hike with my dad and our dog today! It was so nice and it really feels like spring outside. The one downside was that with my dad its pretty much "Go hard or go home" so I'm feeling a bit like jello right now haha. Oh well definitely burnt some calories out there. I was in the hospital for almost a month in Nov/Dec in an eating disorder program, which helped huge, but I lost every single ounce of muscle on my body, boo.
Hence the title I wanted to say that if you were to take away one thing from this blog it is EAT YOUR FREAKING VEGETABLES!!! Fibre and vitamins are your best friends. So I'll try not to shove my opinions down your throat but this is a huge part of how I lost my first 50 pounds so try it! haha
I desperately need a social life. One of my (two whole) close friends and I were texting yesterday and I asked if she'd want to go out tonight for fun. Her answer? She had a piece of cake at home she really wanted to have that night... Wow a fucking piece of cake is more fun than going out with me. The irony isn't lost on me: I'm literally battling against food in more ways than just through an eating disorder.
Well here's the calories for the day:
Breakfast:
Berries 75
Yogurt 80
Snack:
Asian Pear 60
Hiking snack:
Cheese slice 80
Apple 70
Lunch:
Sandwich-
Bread x2 140
avocado 80
Cheese 80
Tomato 5
Mayo 15
Veg 30
Tzatziki 100
Snack
Apple 70
Cottage Cheese 90
Dinner:
Steamed veggies 100
Quinoa 160
Hummus 100
Snack:
Apple 70
Cottage Cheese 90
Total: 1,495
I'm over my goal calories but had to make up for the insane hike!
Hence the title I wanted to say that if you were to take away one thing from this blog it is EAT YOUR FREAKING VEGETABLES!!! Fibre and vitamins are your best friends. So I'll try not to shove my opinions down your throat but this is a huge part of how I lost my first 50 pounds so try it! haha
I desperately need a social life. One of my (two whole) close friends and I were texting yesterday and I asked if she'd want to go out tonight for fun. Her answer? She had a piece of cake at home she really wanted to have that night... Wow a fucking piece of cake is more fun than going out with me. The irony isn't lost on me: I'm literally battling against food in more ways than just through an eating disorder.
Well here's the calories for the day:
Breakfast:
Berries 75
Yogurt 80
Snack:
Asian Pear 60
Hiking snack:
Cheese slice 80
Apple 70
Lunch:
Sandwich-
Bread x2 140
avocado 80
Cheese 80
Tomato 5
Mayo 15
Veg 30
Tzatziki 100
Snack
Apple 70
Cottage Cheese 90
Dinner:
Steamed veggies 100
Quinoa 160
Hummus 100
Snack:
Apple 70
Cottage Cheese 90
Total: 1,495
I'm over my goal calories but had to make up for the insane hike!
Friday, January 24, 2014
Hunger Game
Learning how to control, manipulate and live with hunger. I've been doing well the last couple days! I'm going to make a page for tips because I have a few good ones. I've been taking PGX and I find it helps me stay full longer and my blood sugar isn't as psychotic as it usually is. It's basically just fibre, so it slows down how quickly you digest food. It makes me kind of backed up... But I hope that means my weight is lower than the scale says. Oh and I'm down to 124 now :) still not where I want to be, but it's an improvement!
So my diet plan is to shoot for 1000-1300 calories a day. I know that's pretty high for some but I've been on an 1800 cal meal plan (fuck I know) so if I cut out 500-800 cals a day I should definitely lose some weight! I'm going to be really careful to include lots of vegetables and vitamins because I got to a point a little while ago where I wasn't underweight, but I had dangerously low electrolytes and vitamin stores so I'd like to avoid that again :) As far as plateauing my theory (and most doctors) is that when you stop losing weight for a while it's because your internal organs are slowing down and aren't able to digest food at a normal pace so everything just stop moving. Not good. So if I plateau for a week or so I'm going to increase my cals for a little while so I don't go into starvation mode and then go back to losing. Hopefully this works!
Yesterday my intake went like this:
Breakfast:
Banana 90
Cottage Cheese 100
Lunch:
Toast 70
Canned Tuna 140
Cheese slice 80
Vegetables 20
Tzatziki 70
Snack:
Banana 90
Cottage Cheese 90
Dinner:
Chicken 150
Brown Rice 100
Veg stir-fry 100
Snack:
Yogurt 80
Apple 70
Total: 1250
Success!
So my diet plan is to shoot for 1000-1300 calories a day. I know that's pretty high for some but I've been on an 1800 cal meal plan (fuck I know) so if I cut out 500-800 cals a day I should definitely lose some weight! I'm going to be really careful to include lots of vegetables and vitamins because I got to a point a little while ago where I wasn't underweight, but I had dangerously low electrolytes and vitamin stores so I'd like to avoid that again :) As far as plateauing my theory (and most doctors) is that when you stop losing weight for a while it's because your internal organs are slowing down and aren't able to digest food at a normal pace so everything just stop moving. Not good. So if I plateau for a week or so I'm going to increase my cals for a little while so I don't go into starvation mode and then go back to losing. Hopefully this works!
Yesterday my intake went like this:
Breakfast:
Banana 90
Cottage Cheese 100
Lunch:
Toast 70
Canned Tuna 140
Cheese slice 80
Vegetables 20
Tzatziki 70
Snack:
Banana 90
Cottage Cheese 90
Dinner:
Chicken 150
Brown Rice 100
Veg stir-fry 100
Snack:
Yogurt 80
Apple 70
Total: 1250
Success!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Where to start...
First day's always hard, even blogging! It's not my first time on blogger and I'm glad I finally came back :) I can't remember when I last blogged but the one I really used was about 2 1/2 years ago, wow! I'm hoping to lose a bit more weight by doing daily blogs, a food journal and following you guys who are doing the same so please post a message if you are!
Life's been pretty complicated since I stopped blogging, to say the least. Lets just leave it at that I basically ended up in eating disorder rehab for a month... NEVER. Again.
So life right now is me finishing a few courses for first year university, hoping to find a solid boyfriend, lose 20 pounds, and be done with this love/hate relationship with food. Sound like good goals? I think so :) and I need to find a new fun sport! Probably wont be horseback riding until I find a sugar daddy haha
Life's been pretty complicated since I stopped blogging, to say the least. Lets just leave it at that I basically ended up in eating disorder rehab for a month... NEVER. Again.
So life right now is me finishing a few courses for first year university, hoping to find a solid boyfriend, lose 20 pounds, and be done with this love/hate relationship with food. Sound like good goals? I think so :) and I need to find a new fun sport! Probably wont be horseback riding until I find a sugar daddy haha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)