Hanging by thread at night

    Have I ever told you how hard nights are for me? If I have an intake below 1,500 I'm a freaking hungry hippo. Not cool. The last few nights I've hung on by barely a thread after having a great day! The last two nights I tried to go to sleep really early, around 9/10 so I wouldn't be tempted to binge, but I just ended up lying in bed until about 12 when I finally passed out.
    And here we go, the picture you've all been waiting for! The worst lighting in the universe, but just makes me feel more motivated to lose the chub.

   So I'm pretty sure I'll be watching a hell of a lot more Victoria Secret fashion shows as thinspo. Plus I LOVE PRETTY UNDERPANTS!!

    And to all of my lovely followers I love all of your comments and blogs and you inspire me to be the best me I can be. A question for you: I'm trying to put a follow button on my blog without having a stupid google+ account, is this possible?

Anyways I'm on the verge of eating my carpet right now so here is today's intake!!

Breakfast:

Banana    90

yogurt    80

toast    70

Lunch:

Chicken    120

toast    70

Tzatziki    50

veg    20

Snack

Banana    90

Milk    60

Dinner:

Small pork rib    180?

Roast Potatoes    160?

Salad    70?

Snack:

Banana    90

yogurt    80

total:    1,160

Oops thats a bit low. I'm going to try having more food at my afternoon snack. I think that'll help my night hunger/stomach trying to eat itself/me wanting to eating my poor carpet. 

Nighty-night!

Ella the Whale

Intake, fear and crappy day

   Not that today was a terrible day, but I just feel blah. No motivation to study, anxious about eating enough/too much. Its sad that figuring out my intake at the end of each day help calm me down

Total at afternoon snack: 720

Dinner:
Roast chicken   150
Roast Potatoes   200?
Beets   40
Salad   50

Snack:
Banana   90
Yogurt   80

Total: 1,330

   Just watching the last victoria secret fashion show! Needed some serious thinspo. So worn out!
Love yeww
Ella

This kind of this doesn't happen to me

    I don't thin I've ever told you guys about my Nana, who's my Dad's mom. She lives about a 40 minute drive from us and she still drives, yet we never see her. She gives the most bizarre christmas presents (this year I got a paperweight....). So in a nutshell, we rarely see her, and I'm really not sure when the last time I saw her was. Probably six months ago? Who knows. Anyways, guess who called today and asked if we'd like to go on a cruise to Hawaii!!! UMMM YES??? How perfect is this! Just when I really need an incentive to lose a bit of weight and look good :)))) So it's two full weeks of vacation hurrah! I think the last time my family went on a vacation together was about 2011 when we went to Costa Rica, so we are long overdue! I'm going to post a before and after bikini shot tomorrow. I just had a huge cup of tea so I wont torture you with the size of my stomach right now :p
   My intake has been going really well! Yesterday was 1,200 and today so far looks like this:

Breakfast:
Strawberries   50
Yogurt    80
Toast   70

Lunch:
Soup    350

Snack:
Apple   80
Cottage cheese   90

Total so far:   720

~40 more days~

I couldn't wait, so here I am!

If you hadn't noticed, I'm a bit of a health freak :)

Low calorie, veggies, and food groups are my guidelines to cooking meals. Today it's pretty cold where I live so I decided to make chicken soup! And oh sweet baby jesus it was amazeballs!! I took a picture and everything for you :) I'd really suggest making this as it tastes freaking amazinggg.

Recipe:
2c   water   0
1tbsp   Better than Bouillon chicken stock    30
1/4c   quinoa   170
1/2 little onion   0
1   celery stalk   0
3   baby carrots   4
1/2   little zucchini   4
1/2c cooked white chicken breast   100
1tbsp   light philadelphia cream cheese   30
pepper   0
Total Calories:   338     Per serving:   169
Makes two servings of soup!

It pretty simple to cook. Boil water and chicken stock with quinoa. Turn down to medium when its been boiling for a minute. Throw in onion, celery and carrots. When they get a bit soft turn it down to low and put in the zucchini, chicken, cream cheese and pepper. Let it cook until the quinoa is completely done or even longer because it tastes the best when it's been on for a while. I waited about 20 minutes. Enjoy!!

Exhausted, hungry, and wonderful

Sorry for not posting yesterday my lovely followers! I ended up going out for sushi with my best friend and then we had a sleepover. I partially really wanted to get together with her because it's been so stressful at home, but it was more fun than I could have expected to get together and have some laughs:) God, I can be so antisocial sometimes. HATE IT!! I got little sleep last night and went for a hike with my dad this afternoon so I'm pretty wiped.

Breakfast:
Apple   50
Yogurt   80

Snack:
Banana   90

Lunch:
Quinoa   100
Turkey   100
Greek salad   50
Apple   60

Snack:
Chicken   100
Banana   90

Hike snack:
Orange   90

Dinner:
Toast   70
Fish cake   160
Salad   60
Apple   70
Quinoa   150

Snack:
Banana   90
Cottage Cheese   90

Total:   1,500

Oh and no big deal, but I'm officially 120!! Back down to a manageable weight yay! My tummy has done a bit of shrinking and my hot jeans are fitting much better now. I remember being at the point a year ago where I would be a balloon eating 1,500 calories, but now I feel absolutely starving with only 1,500. SO glad I'm past that phase! Just goes to show how much having an eating disorder will fuck with your body over time. But theres still hope to be healthy wee!! I'm going to be responsible and go to sleep before I eat something I'll regret.

Nightynight!
Ella xxx

Down to 50% Braincell capacity captain! If only the fat cell count would go down too...

So tired. Thoughts are getting pretty drunklike and confused. So my apologies in advanced I'll try to say something comprehendible!
So yesterday was... interesting. We had a family meeting with this councillor who's been coming around and talking to our family members (except my little brother because he refuses to. wwtf) Its weird talking about having a family councillor. It sounds like one of those things normal families do. Our is not. Anyways, the meeting was productive but stressful. I'll go into more detail when my brain is less fried! Today was even worse because my older brother had a yelling match with my parents and an hour later my parents broke the news to little bro that his computer is now a thing of the past. So basically a nuclear holocaust. Very stressful and triggering for me, but by some magical chance I've held on by a thread! I definitely attribute it to getting my but on here and reading about how you all are doing and making some replies :) So THANKYOU!! I'll let you know my weight tomorrow morning! I have a good feeling its down to 120 but I probably just jinxed it, fuck.

Breakfast:
Cantaloupe   80
Yogurt   80

Lunch:
Pea soup   170
Toast   70
Tzatziki   100
veg   20

Snack:
Banana   90
Apple   80
Hummus   100
veg   20

Dinner:
Lambchops :s   200
Roasted Potatoes   120
Salad   50

Snack:
Banana   90
Cottage cheese 90

Total: 1,360

So yay! and I was was pretty busy too so I burned a bunch :) Starving now so I need to sleep

loveandhugsandtherapeuticbackrubswithcandlesandcoconutoilimgoingtogotosleepnownight
Ella

What a great da-- neeevermind...

This is exciting I'm 122 :)) It feels like forever but It's only been a week or so that I've been making good food choices and three pounds is a whole lot in a week!

Breakfast:
Banana   90
Yogurt   80

Snack:
Apple   70

Lunch:
1/2c quinoa   100
chicken thigh   120
20g feta cheese   50
greek salad   10

Snack:
Fruit and nut bar   190

Dinner:
Soup   250?
Salad   20

Snack:
Apple   90 (it was huge)  
Cottage cheese   90

Total:  1,160

   Wow thats pretty low for me! I may actually have a little something else because I don't want to get to the point where I'm only eating 500 calories a day and not losing weight, which has happened before and suuuucks!

    Well I wrote that stuff before I plummeted tonight. Pure proof that when I don't eat enough during the day I break down at night and binge :( As punishment I'm going to tell you all what I had...

chicken thigh and wing with skin
turkey soup
banana
cheese
asian pear
can of pea soup
8 granola bars

The sad thing is that I was so close to not stopping at that point. My exact thoughts were: "Okay, did this make my mood any better? no. Will this make me happy in the long run? nope. Will this make tomorrow easier. Hell no. So go sit your ass down at your desk and confess to your blog followers.

So here I am begging for forgiveness and I'm going to go get the sleep I need. Goal for tomorrow: Slightly bigger breakfast and dinner.